The Future of Bathroom Door Labels

Because it’s apparently too complex and confusing for some people to figure out which doorway to enter when they need to use the bathroom in a public place.

If you stand up to urinate, use the men’s room.  If you sit down, use the women’s.

Before you read much more, be aware that this post is somewhat inflammatory.  It does not cater to anyone’s special feelings nor does it subscribe to the currently accepted dogma that voluntary social pariahs or willing victims of cultural ostracizing should be treated like delicate and fragile snowflakes.   Despite their thoughts to the contrary, that they somehow ‘deserve’ to be singled out and showered with sycophantic ass-kissing just because they knowingly choose not to fit neatly into a category, label, class, or other distinctive and segregated division, they are no more or less ‘special’ than anyone else on the planet – whether you stand up or sit down to take a leak.

Even if the only thing these special snowflakes have done was declare confusion about gender identity or demonstrate gender expression in a particular way, it is still a choice.

Everything in our lives is measured by the choices we make, and even when we actively avoid making a choice, we are still making a passive one.  Good or bad, we are where we put ourselves.

Now, back to the subject at hand…

The gender on your birth certificate, your self-labeled gender identity, or your own personal feelings about what you think you are have absolutely nothing to do with the physical act of using the bathroom.  The status of your ‘plumbing’ should be the determining factor because no matter how much estrogen or testosterone you ingest, how large your man-boobs grow or how much facial hair you can develop, or whether you like to wear lacy thongs and lipstick or Timberlands and Huskies with a flannel button-up shirt – you still use the bathroom like a man or like a woman.

If you are a man transitioning into a woman (transsexual) and you get turned on or feel your inner pervert threatening to unleash itself when you visit the restroom associated with your self-labeled gender identity rather than the one associated with your native biological gender, then you need a therapist, not separate and ‘special’ bathroom facilities.  The same goes for women transitioning into men.

How has it become such a difficult decision, fraught with insecurity, social stigma, personal embarrassment, and all the other adjectives and catchphrases applied to those who seem to think they are so uniquely special that they deserve a ‘private’ public bathroom all to themselves, just to figure out whether or not to go in the restroom with condoms or Kotex being offered in the wall dispenser?

Do you whip it out or wipe it off when you go tinkle-tinkle?

Must we get even more blatant, blunt, and obvious about the issue?  Do you have a penis or a vagina?

Guess what – if you have a penis, you are a man, no matter how you feel about it.  You will be a woman when – and only when – your penis is removed and replaced with as functional and visually distasteful a vagina as it is medically possible to install on an anatomical specimen not originally designed for one.

If you have a vagina, you are a woman, no matter how you feel about it.  You will be a man when – and only when – your vagina is stitched up and replaced with as flaccid and aesthetically unappealing a penis as it is medically possible to install on an anatomical specimen not originally designed for one.

Getting way off track for a minute or two…

This brings to mind the separate issue of why most lesbians really aren’t.  While that’s another story for another day, it can basically be summed up like this – if you are a female claiming to be a lesbian but your significant other dresses, acts, talks, or otherwise mimics the characteristics of the opposite sex (such as using a strap-on during intercourse, scratching an imaginary scrotum, shaving non-existent facial hair, etc.), you really aren’t a lesbian.  You want a man, otherwise your ‘girlfriend’ wouldn’t be trying so hard to be your ‘boyfriend.’  And your ‘girlfriend’ wants to be a man (aka: gender identity), or at least wants to dress and act like one (aka: gender expression), which means she isn’t a lesbian, either.

Not surprisingly, GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian something-something-something) has a “media reference list” on transgender issues containing what they claim is the ‘correct terminology’ for identifying men becoming women, women becoming men, men dressing like women, and so on.  What is surprising about the list, however, is how extremely vague it is.  It really doesn’t give a thorough or detailed definition.

You’d think an organization that supports gays and lesbians would be significantly more expressive regarding how LGBT individuals would like to be referred to.  They also don’t inform the site visitor what GLAAD stands for (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, thanks be to Google and Wikipedia), and their mission blurb at the bottom of their web pages uses meaningless and trendy buzzwords in an attempt to sound eloquent and forward-thinking.

As a dynamic media force, GLAAD tackles tough issues to shape the narrative and provoke dialogue that leads to cultural change.

Really?  They might want to shape their narrative to be a bit more specific and descriptive about what they do.  Could they be any more vague?  Dynamic media force.  Tackles tough issues.  Shape the narrative.  Provoke dialogue.  Leads to cultural change.  It’s like the standard boilerplate text for a generic business web page, not a meaningful statement describing who they are, what they do, or what they stand for.  And why is their logo a fancied-up  speaker sound or volume indicator icon?

Here’s my version of GLAAD’s mission blurb, off-the-cuff and thrown together in a minute or two of rooting around in an online thesaurus:

As a progressive topical auditor with perceptive awareness of the media pulse, GLAAD aspires to encourage provocative and meaningful engagement that leads to a functional shift in societal dynamics and cultural paradigms.

Pretty much says nothing at all, just like their original mission blurb, but it sounds more hefty and aggressively visionary, in my opinion.  (My version of the mission blurb is © 2016 SiouxSays and © 2017 Siouxology, all rights reserved, not to be used without express written consent, yadda-yadda-yadda.)

Getting back on track with the main subject again (finally)…

I get it.  Some people feel like they are a man trapped in a woman’s body and vice versa.  Honestly, no one cares except YOU, so stop dithering about it, decide what gender you want to be, get to the point where you are as anatomically correct as possible, and use the damn bathroom designed for your physical gender.  Not necessarily birth gender or dream gender or one-day-I-will-be gender.  You’re standing in front of the bathroom doors right now.  The one you choose should be totally and entirely and utterly based on the way you have to urinate because of your physical abilities and limitations right now.

This crap, and that’s exactly what it is – crap – about different public and private places, businesses, institutions, agencies, and other locations creating or segregating bathroom space especially for transgender individuals is utterly ridiculous.  Next thing you know, there will be a horde of black people demanding their own bathroom because, as they would put it, bathrooms that don’t specify ‘persons of color’ are viewed as primarily being for the privilege of ‘white’ people only and #blacklivesmatter (but no one else’s does) so they deserve their own bathroom because it’s the least that the American government can do after centuries of oppression, by god.

Call me insensitive, prejudicial, discriminatory, whatever.

What I am, as a matter of fact, is completely weary of all the crybaby political correctness that has infested every nook, cranny, and crevice of America.  It is well past time for people to put on their big girl panties, suck it up, and deal with life instead of crying and whining about every little thing under the sun that hurts their poor little feelings.  Wait, what?  Life’s not fair?  Who ever said it would be?

A large percentage of adults under the age of 30 should have their parents charged with child abandonment, abuse, and neglect – simply for raising such a horrid generation of Americans.  If you are an exception to the rule, hug your parents and thank them for giving you the freedom to screw your own life up all by yourself. (Well, I guess let’s hit the ‘publish’ button and start making some people angry…)


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